I was still lying on the delivery table, tired and drained when I first laid my eyes on Kulay. I didn’t feel this indescribable sense of awe and wonder when I saw him. There were no tears of joy. I felt so tired like I’ve never been tired in my life and groggy because the sedatives where beginning to kick in that I just looked at him and thought, Is that my son? Why doesn’t he look like what I imagined him to be? I had this image in my head when I was still pregnant on how Kulay would look like and the actual Kulay was nothing like it. In actual, he was fair-skinned and looked like an alien with his weird-shaped head that infants usually have. I saw him covered in blood and after the nurse cleaned him up, she brought Kulay to me for breastfeeding and before more thoughts could enter my head, I finally fell into a deep sleep.
My first encounter with Kulay was definitely not love at first sight…because I loved him even before I saw him. I felt the indescribable sense of awe and wonder the moment I learned there was life inside me. That was the same moment the tears of joy fell.